


In and Out of Consciousness

by notabadday



Category: The West Wing, West Wing
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-23
Updated: 2012-12-23
Packaged: 2017-11-22 01:56:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/604543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notabadday/pseuds/notabadday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A post-ep for NSF Thurmont. I've always felt that the Gaza arc was so compelling and dramatic but wasn't concluded satisfactorily. I think it needed to move the Josh and Donna relationship forward, whether a little or a lot. This fic would take place after the scene where Josh is sat by her bedside at the end of NSF Thurmont. It also features Donna's mother. Please enjoy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In and Out of Consciousness

When Donna’s mother came back upstairs, she disturbed a comfortable silence between Josh and her daughter. She observed the affectionate gaze that Josh irremovably held over Donna. The anaesthesia had made Donna weary but while her eyes were open, they were fixed on him. Neither of them reacted to the new presence in the room.

 “Josh, you need to eat something.” Maria Moss spoke with a compassion that must have been hereditary. Josh’s gaze remained fixed on Donna. “Josh.”

 She caught his attention in her second attempt. His eyelids fluttering, Josh looked around the room for her. The gaze he offered Maria was empty but for confusion and exhaustion. Upon recalling her statement, he shook his head gently. “I’m not gonna…” He hesitated, struggling to articulate. “No, thank you.”

 “Josh, nothing’s gonna happen if you go get food. If you don’t, though, you’ll end up in the hospital bed right next to her,” Maria said, understanding Josh’s reluctance. He hadn’t left Donna’s bedside from the moment she had come out of surgery.

 “Well, anything to get into bed with her...” Josh seemed to be attempting humour but his voice was strained still. Donna, nevertheless, offered a feeble smile.

 “Josh, you can’t joke about it anymore…” Maria began, sensitively.

 “Sorry. I know she’s…” Josh shook his head in an effort to shake his unhappy expression away in an effort to please Donna, who only had the energy to watch him.

 “No.” Maria brushed him off. “No. I’m saying, you gotta give it up, Josh. Look at you. You see yourself?” Josh was speechless. “It’s all over your face. You’re here; you got here before I did. You’re convincing no one.”

 Donna lay still as Josh stared intently at her while her mother spoke. He felt his eyes filling with tears as he struggled to conjure a response. His mouth fell tenderly agape once more as his head tilted at the sight of her. She was covered in scars and bruises, and still the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. The prolonged silence in the room continued in the aftermath of Maria’s comments.

 Josh’s hand rested lightly on the hem of Donna’s blanket. She was barely conscious. All that she could absorb was him. Nevertheless, he was struck by powerlessness. Maria observed his concerns, every one of them etching a line across his face. As Josh managed to bring his face up once more to engage with Maria, she changed the subject a little. “Colin left.”

 His perplexity persevered. “He… he just left. What about Donna?” The way he said her name told a story in itself. He spoke it heavily, with familiarity and affection. It was as though she was his favourite word, but one that he was not allowed to say aloud. By a slip of the tongue, he had omitted his constraint.

 “She’s not well enough for that conversation. And he can’t just stay until she is. If she needed him, he would be in this room. Right now, it seems like she doesn’t even need me.” The way that Maria spoke was without reservation, and her latter statement without resentment. Her crisp observation of the relationship so uninhibitedly presented to her could hardly be a surprise. Somehow, Josh had never seen it coming. “You’re just too close to see it, Josh.”

 He sharply cleared his throat in an effort to compose himself. He felt conscious of Donna’s ear but her eyes had closed. “Could you… please, give us a minute?”

 “Sure.” Maria hastily disappeared from their company.

 More forward than he had been previously, Josh moved a hand to her sleek, blonde hair. He stroked it in a soothing rhythm until his hand stilled at her cheek. “So, how doped up are you?”

 Donna’s eyes suddenly opened to reveal a striking redness. He sighed.

 “What am I gonna do?” Josh shook his head, mystified by his sudden quandary. He was talking to himself in this instance. Her eyes kept patiently transfixed upon his face as she watched him squirm for a solution. His expression explored the lines of his forehead and the crevices of his cheeks. His face transformed to a smile as his eyes returned to her.

 “Sorry about my mom.”

 “I like her. She’s bossy, and… well, she’s a little impatient.” Smiling warmly, he said both as though they were compliments.

 “What do you mean?”

 “I just need time.” He explained, apologetically. “I feel like the world is backing me into a corner. Everything’s telling me there's no time, including your mother. But right now, I just… I’m sick to my stomach at the thought of losing you.”

 Donna raised a hand to his face, mustering her energy. “It wasn’t your fault, Josh. Stop looking at me like it was your fault.”

 “I sent you for all the wrong reasons, selfish reasons. I said you could go, and you got blown up. Then I left. When you were doing okay, I left for an hour and you… you had a pulmonary embolism.” He reviled the last two words. She watched him trying to hold himself together, and ached. “I’m so sorry, Donna.”

 “I’m sorry that I scared you but Josh, I’m gonna get really fed up of you if you never leave my side from now on. No offense.” She fought the impending tears with a forced smile.

 “Tough.” He continued their banter with failed enthusiasm before immediately giving up on it. “I thought I was going to lose you. I really thought… Just, please don’t die.”

 “I’m not going anywhere. You can’t cope otherwise. But let us not forget that I’m not the only one who does the scaring around here.” His face reacted a little surprised at the mention of that particular memory. “It’s awfully dramatic work sometimes… for a desk job.”

 Josh looked at her warmly. Eventually Donna drifted out of consciousness again. He couldn’t help but think to himself, as he looked at her asleep, he missed her. With her eyes closed, to him the world had lost some of its color. The gentle rise and fall of her chest was reassuring as he sat and he waited.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is always lovely.


End file.
